Lucifina's Blog

Be A Good One!

lucifina — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:43:46 +0000

Insight of the day ~
A truly compassionate attitude toward others does not change even if they behave negatively or hurt you. Whether one believes in a religion or not and whether on believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion.
~ Brought to you by the Dalai Lama

I found this to be a timely thought of the day as I am going through my basic nursing course right now and hearing a lot of stories from my instructor. I have also been talking to various other nurses and CNAs and it really makes me sad to think that people get into this for the money. One chick I spoke to told me things that just horrified me.
Becoming a nurse is a career change for me. I already had a career. I was set. I had the 401k, the pension, the dull life ahead of me. But I was not happy nor was I making any bit of difference. What I did like about my job was the few times I could make people happy.
I thought about working within the hospice or the psychiatric area for awhile. I did not really know what I wanted specifically but it came to me one day that a nurse is in the best position to not only heal but provide kindness.
Do not misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with money but, I think that if one does not have the intention or capability of being kind to all patients and realizing that the patients are there because they have to be not because they want to be then they should move on to an area of nursing that does not have direct patient contact.

Insight of the Day

lucifina — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:57:11 +0000

The fact that there is always a positive side to life is the one thing that gives me a lot of happiness. This world is not perfect. There are problems. But things like happiness and unhappiness are relative. Realizing this gives you hope. ~ Dalai Lama

That’s Right

lucifina — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 07:22:43 +0000

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first” Mark Twain

Panda שׂמְחָה

lucifina — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:10:08 +0000

Semester Done!

lucifina — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 06:19:44 +0000

The semester is over…friggin finally!!! I am sooo tired. I took my final, final today and who knows how I did. Statically speaking there is a chance I passed though. I did come to realize that I
a) hate statistics and b) don’t judge a doilies person by the doilies on their head; it does not make them holy.
Now I know it is never a good idea to make assumptions…and let me tell you all I have definitely learned my lesson. I thought though that those doilies chicks, you know the ones who wear denim and buns for jesus would be a little bit more respectable than the hung over, fresh outta high school, trying to hook up with anything that walks kind of person. I was mistaken and I have suffered the consequences. If jesus cannot inspire one to do well and do ones part on a group project then I don’t know who can. I am sure I will have the misfortune of encountering group projects again in my academic career and I will be forced to ask the teachers if I can be a group of one or else hold the people down and demand the truth up front. Demand to know if they are as much of workaholic perfectionist as I am. Of course they will lie and I will get screwed in the end.
Maybe I carry things a bit too far and I know I demand perfection of myself. I certainly do not expect it of others but come on people?!?!? Showing up and hour and forty five mins before a friggin presentation is due and think you can throw your half together when you have had weeks to do it. I just don’t understand lameness. How can one let themselves down like that let alone another person? It is beyond me?
Anyway the class is over, she made me look bad, but I did my part and I did pretty much most of her part and winged it. That was vent and now I have a doilies story. I am over it and I have learned a valuable lesson. Don’t trust the doilies even though they are polite and respectable looking for it is a trap and they will sabotage your grade!!!

Good News/Bad News

lucifina — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 08:03:12 +0000

Well I went to the nursing meeting today and I found out that I will be DENIED if I turn in my app for the RN program for entry in the Fall of 09. This was sort of a disappointment because in my mind I had been anticipating this date. I have the GPA and the necessary classes/points to get in but they just changed the policy…as in JUST CHANGED…that now one has to have a CNA in order to even get accepted into the program! I spoke to the director of admittance herself and she said nope! You could tell she felt bad. She basically said it sucks for someone in my situation because I am all prepared and ready to go but I am now screwed on a technicality.

The positive spin on this is that I will be taking the CNA classes and other classes in Spring 09 and then I will have Summer 09 to take several classes, Fall 09 to take a full load and Spring 10 another full load and Summer 10 a few classes!!! So the admittance lady told me that I can take all the classes needed for a BSN which will pretty much guarantee me a spot in the RN program and then once I am done with the RN program I will not have to take another year of school as my credits will just transfer b/c I will have already taken them! Sweet! So while I was disappointed, I was not devastated.

I still have another 2 other colleges to visit as well. I am sure they will be the same thing as far as technicalities but I want to feel them out and see which I personally feel has the best campus, labs, atmosphere, etc…as far a nursing programs go. I have talked to a ton of nursed and of course they are all biased toward the schools they went too. There are pros and cons to all of them. We actually have 4 nursing schools in the area but I am only interested in 3 of them.

I brought my sister with me to the meeting today and I did not think she was going to make it through the video…it was showing all the nursing students walking around with syringes, lol! She hates needles! That’s ok, I am car gut phobic! If you open the hood of a car I run. It seriously scares me so she can have her cars and I will take the needles, hehehe.

Braces Off

lucifina — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 02:29:03 +0000

Well I was approved for the surgery however my surgeon decided to be a dick and demanded $10,000.00 up front even though my insurance was going to cover the majority of the surgery!!! Well needless to say I did not happen to have a spare $10,000.00 lying around so I looked for other surgeons all over the state and none were to be found. I took this as a sign. So after having my teeth moved into position for surgery I had to have them moved back into a normal position. This meant the braces had to be on even longer.
I did not really mind so much about having the braces on longer as I got sooooo used to them but I was irritated by the fact that the surgeon lied to me. He told me that the surgery would be covered. Which it was…nowhere in the 3 years of consolations did he bother to mention that he was also going to demand $10,000.00 from me that he did not even need just to reimburse me!!!!
Whatever! He left that part off, his staff left that off, his business off left that off and they were rude. He himself was great but his staff was totally rude. So if and when I decide to go through with the surgery down the road I will take my insurance and unnecessary $10,000.00 (To hand over and be reimbursed,) to a different surgeon, even if I have to be driven an hour away! Sorry that is just how I am. If your staff is snotty to me I take my business elsewhere.
Back to my teeth though, minus the jaw surgery, they turned out perfect. The before and after pics are amazing. I actually do not really need surgery but to achieve perfection it would be nice. The braces themselves did quite a nice job. If I ever get motivated I will post the before and after pics.

Narcolepsy Med Change

lucifina — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 05:57:57 +0000

Narcolepsy Update
Well the narcolepsy was doing ok with the Xyrem…or so I thought. I was getting 8 hours of real sleep every night and I was away for 16 hours a day with no help from caffeine or other things. Well apparently I was in a horrible depression and did not know it.
I started the Xyrem in June 2007 and by September of 2007 I woke up everyday thinking, “Shit I am still alive!” But I was still so excited to be awake. Only people who have narcolepsy would understand this…anyway, I just figured I was depressed about life in general. I assumed, my job sucked, my sister died a few moths ago, you know stuff like that…never in a million years did I possibly think it could be my medicine, after all I had been on my medicine for 3 months why would I even think that!
Well I kept getting more and more depressed so I quite my job and expected to be happy. Nothing. In fact I got worse. It got to the point where I could not move. Never in my life have I suffered honest to G-d real depression but this was the real deal. I was not able to function. This was not, “I feel a little sad b/c my show got cancelled.” This was full on, laundry piling up, not able to get out of be, not petting my cats or dogs, not eating food wasting away depression. But I was still able to sleep for 8 hours a night and be awake unaided for 16 hours a day and to a narcoleptic this is better than gold!
Anyway my mister and mom started getting really concerned and wanted me to see a shrink and get on drugs but I hate shrinks and I did not want to be on drugs. Well then I started wanting to kill myself. I had never done that before. This was not a dramatic scene; “Oh I am going to kill my self now!” I actually almost killed myself and that is when I got really freaked out that there might be something wrong with me.
I talked to my best friend about it and she convinced me to see a shrink and possibly go on drugs. Well before I made the appointment to see the shrink my mom brought me a pamphlet about Xyrem she got from a drug rep in the office she works at. Well holy crap! Right there in the pamphlet is said may cause depression and suicide! The pamphlet my doctor gave me was two pages and had no mention of this! None!!! Granted I would have taken it anyway but at least I would have been aware. This pamphlet my mom brought me was a friggin’ book and it had stats and everything.
I was very relieved to know that I was not actually depressed but only depressed because of my medication. I was also happy that I did not go to a shrink and get put on more meds. I hate when doctors put you on a drug to cure the side effect of another drug just because they are too lazy to get to the bottom of the situation!
That was probably in April of 2008. I did not stop the Xyrem right away but at least I know what was going on. I then switched neurologists. My new neurologist is also a sleep specialist. He is not creepy and he listens to me. I stopped the Xyrem as soon as he gave me new drugs and after about two or three months off the Xyrem I felt back to my old cantankerous self wanting to off everyone else not myself!
I am very sad that I no longer have 8 hours of real sleep and 16 hours of being able to be awake like a normal person. Yes, wanting to kill ones self is not normal and not being able to function is not good but after being given a taste of real sleep and then having it taken away makes me sad. I miss it. When I switched drugs my new doc first tried me on Provigil (First 100mg a day and then up to 100 mg twice a day) and Ambien (First 5 mg a night what a joke and then 10 mg a night)…this was useless. I tired it for two months though. I am now taking Methylphenidate 10 mg once a day and Ambien still at 10 mg a night. The Methylphenidate works well but it does not last so I am going to ask my doc next week if I can get it at least twice a day. He wants me to wean myself off the Ambien.
The Methylphenidate and Ambien, while they keep me awake and put me to sleep do not do much for me. I am still utterly exhausted all of the time. I feel much like I did without drugs. Xyrem was the best, a true miracle drug, but I guess we can’t have me offing myself.

Holy Snikerdoodles it has been a Long time!!!

lucifina — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:01:09 +0000

Well I suppose I should update some stuff here…let’s see…what has happened since Dec 2007. Well shit tons of stuff. Maybe I should just address these topics individually. That would probably be a better idea.

Approved

lucifina — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:35:27 +0000

I got approved!!! Finally! Yay! My insurance finally agreed to cover my jaw surgery! Now it would be a total miracle if they could get me in before the end of the year b/c my deductible has already been met but I will not hold my breath. I am sure the ortho will be on vacation somewhere nice and the surgeon will probably be off somewhere nicer! Oh but if they could…if they were scrooges like me and were there working over the holiday, that would so rock! But seriously, I am just happy to be approved. Finally! Although now I worry that the ins company will be like, we approved you for 2007 not 2008 or some such nonsense. Oh well, I see my ortho on Friday, December 21, 2007 so I will find out then what is going on.